I was born. And now i’m looking at it a bit different. Like Dude. I’m 32 years old now and another year closer to my death day. WTH. I’m so morbid. Its like I can find the most depressing thing in anything. Really. I wonder if it’s because I’ve watched all those horror movies when I was a kid. Hell I was 6 years old when I saw Nightmare on Elm Street. My parents didn’t care. My dad was and still is like the type of person that will let you do whatever you want, just be prepared to accept whatever comes with it.
I love the way he raised us. He pretty much didn’t sugar coat anything when I was growing up. Pretty much, life is shit, you just try to add perfume to mask the smell of it. Pretty much, make the best of what you can because life is only easy for a very select number of people. you can see where I get my lovely positive outlook on life. Have I had an easy life….hell no. But as my dad says I try to mask the shittyness with great friends and a few spots of laughter.
One little funny moment was when my mother decided to try and make me a cake. Not just any cake but a strawberry and banana cake. There was this cake I had earlier this year at our bowling league that was from this bakery. A Lovely Strawberry and Banana Cake with Whipped Cream frosting. It was the best cake I ever had. But a small sheet cake of that cost $108. She was not going to spend that much for a damn cake. So She “attempted” to make it herself. She bought 3 boxes of cake mix and 3 tubs of cream cheese frosting. (Now I hate frosting unless it whipped cream. cause Whipped cream is light and not that sugary) So she made the cake, but she never lets the cake cool enough. She added the frosting. 2 tubs of the frosting. then added bananas. Added a second layer of cake (Mind you the cake was like 24inches long 12 inches wide) So then she put the strawberries on FIRST then added another 3 tubs of icing. Yes you read that right 3 more tubs. She left to go buy MORE icing. she put 3 more tubs of icing OVER the strawberries. You’d figure you’d put the icing on FIRST, then the strawberries but Noooooooooooooo….she
did it the other way around. So when I went to look at the cake, I was all OMG WTF BBQ! then I had fits of laughter. not just laughter but the type of laughter that EVERYONE in the 1 mile
radius must know. I tell the neighbors, the dog, the squirrels, the bird eating hawk that flies into the windows…ANY LIVING THING. I think I told the plants.
My mom was so embarrassed she was all “I MADE IT FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and I told her I appreciate it but we are not bringing that to the birthday party. She would have to get a cake from the local Shoprite. So she did, but now we were left with this HUGE ASS SHEET CAKE. that took up a whole shelf in the fridge. So she tried to give some to the neighbors (1/4 gone) then my dad had a slice and pretty much had a diabetic sugar attack. He took one bite and basically just ate icing. He ended up taking an extra shot of insulin because of it. >.>
While at work the next day, I told my mom again, I appreciate the thought but, dude it was a mother fucking ugly cake and I was going to take pictures of it. She yelled at me. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” I told her I had to. I had to show my co-workers the cake cause it was so “Speschul” in that “speschul” kind of way. So when I left work to go take a pic of it, it was gone. IN THE TRASH! not just in the trash but already tied up trash bag behind the shed TRASH. I embarrassed her too much. So I am sadden by the lack of picture. I tried looking online to find a similar cake and this is the closest one.So just imagine this cake…2 feet long and 5 TUBS OF ICING. I mean this cake looks way better than the cake my mom made. BUT I was given a different cake for my celebration and we celebrated with the people in our bowling league. Cake was good, but no more cake. Eating more cake will counteract the diet. So I cheated and now I feel like a dirty dirty whore because of it.
So ITS MY BIRTHDAY……freaking great…another year closer to me DYING. *kisses and fluffy bunny tails all!*