The Purity Game

Man really? Seriously. Like What THE FUCKITY FUCK FUCK!?! My luck with guys has seriously been horrible. Like so horrible I might as well be celibate or just just start sleeping with women.

Alright, let me start from the beginning. After the whole Izzy debacle I said I would give up dating. I know, I was being so over dramatic. I was being a woman. I honestly liked this guy, but he turned out to be a douchebag. Anyway, this isn’t about him. This is about this new guy Devin. He is in my Wednesday bowling league. We started talking when we bowled against each other for the first time. He seemed nice. Made me laugh. It was friendly flirting for about a month. Finally, last week he give my mom his number. Yes, I know, but seriously there was like an army of people trying to hook us up. Whatever, he gave me his number. I texted him, cause who the fuck actually talks on the phone anymore???!!. He texts back. The next day I call him. We talk. We giggled. For the next 5 days or so it was just texting back and forth. Yesterday, he calls me up. We talk for about an hour an 15 minutes. and OH MY FUCKITY FUCK….I decided I can’t be with him.

It’s not that he doesn’t seem like a nice guy. but just the whole conversation seemed a little “off” to begin with. We haven’t even gone on a date. We are NOT a couple, but to start asking questions like: Do you have a fetish? What can a guy do to keep you interested? Seriously, if a guy has to ask what to do to keep you interested….then you know it’s not going to work. That is pretty much cheating. A woman shouldn’t have to tell you EVERYTHING to keep her happy. A guy should just know. When I tell him this, he is all “but when a woman and a man are IN a relationship, communication is key to it surviving” or some bullshit insightful relationship rule he gave me.  So I say to him “Yes, But we aren’t in a relationship. We are just TALKING“. Seriously don’t be all possessive and naming our non-existent relationship already. We are in the talking phase BUCKO!!!

But if questions like that weren’t a bit awkward, this is what threw the awkward wrench into my machinery.  So we are casually talking about bowling, movies, and shit. Then out of the blue he says, “I’m Pure“. Um, pure what? Pure Christian? Pure of Sin? Pure of Pure?!!!! PURE WHAT?! Then it hit me, he was PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!!!! LIKE, I’M A VIRGIN, PURE?!!! Remember I’m 32. I’m not “Pure”. I haven’t been “Pure” for 13 years. but for him to say that he is “pure” not even using the actual word VIRGIN at the age of 32 is mind boggling to me. I mean, for a girl at 32, to still be a virgin is more acceptable to society because it makes her look like she is , well, pure. She is saving herself for the right guy. But for a man, at 32, to still be a virgin, it is just awkward. It’s weird. It’s just WRONG! Is there something wrong with him? Did he ever have a relationship? Is he scared to see a vajayjay up close? Who knows?

***side note*** Using the word Pure to mean you are a virgin is only cute and acceptable if you are a teenager. A female teenager. It is NEVER ok for a guy to use the word “Pure” at any age. It’s just very feminine and not manly. Nor does using the word “pure” glamorize or soften the blow that you are a virgin. Especially, being a male. A Male above the 21. If you are are over 25 and still a virgin, fuck a hooker, get it over with. Thanks.

So I asked him, why? WHY IN GODS NAME HAVE YOU NOT ENJOYED THE PLEASURES OF SEX!?! His answer, “I haven’t found the right girl yet.” Um, ok. How long was your last relationship? “Four Years.” WHAT!?! FOUR FUCKING YEARS AND NO SEX?! She wasn’t the right one?! His response,” Well she cheated on me.” No Shit dude, she wanted the Peen! She needed her hole poked harder, faster, right side, upside, sideways, every which way but you didn’t give it to her. Of course she would have cheated. I would have. No, wait, check that, I would have left you. I can understand not rushing into a sexual relationship right away. I can. However, sex is important to us single people. Especially at the age that I am at.

Some women…very few women, would think this would be a bonus. One can teach him the ropes and how to pleasure a woman. True, but I don’t want to be a teacher. I want to be taught a few things. I want to be surprised. Surprised in a “OMG THAT WAS FABULOUS SEX” way. Not the surprised, “omg you came already and I just touched your penis” way. Also, if you are going to teach him, YOU mus wait for him to be ready. *sighs* No Freaking Way will i wait for any man to be ready. He must wait for me. I won’t let the man hold out that long, lord knows I want some poking in my Hoo Haa.

But this also made me realize that there is a definite double standard in men and women and what it means to be a virgin. It really is ok for girls to be virgins pass the age of 25. Even into their 30’s. Mostly because society still sees them as “Aww they are waiting for the right guy” and “YAY THEY AREN’T WHORES! THEY HAVE MORALS!!!” But if it’s a guy pass the age of 21, it’s all “What is wrong with them?” “They are loser” and “Hire a hooker quick just to pop his cherry”

Is it wrong to think that way? No. I don’t think so. It’s just natural. A guys role on manhood vs a woman’s view on womanhood is different in society and it is totally ok. Men and women do NOT have to be equals. In some areas it is ok for women to not equal their male counterparts. Men are supposed to be experienced. Not like Wilt Chamberlain experienced, but experienced enough to know how to please a woman. A woman, not very whore-ish, but as long as she isn’t a whore, it’s usually ok for women to know less on the sex front then men.

Plus I think when we are growing up, parents, church, sexual education teachers and abstinence advocates put this huge stigma on “waiting ’til you are married” “Your virginity is the most precious thing you can give your partner” “Best gift to give on  your wedding night”  etc. etc. etc….. Bullshit. Ok it is important. It should be given to someone that means a lot to you or just in a special moment. But it isn’t the be all end all if you don’t end up with that person. One needs to know their body inside and out. They need to know what feels good to them and to the other person and how to make that other person feel good. So what better way than having sex. I’m not saying sleep with every Tom, Dick, and Harry. You don’t want to be used up. That is just Ew. But if Tom, Dick, and Harry can make you feel good, and teach you a few things, go right ahead. The idea of virginity and waiting til you are married, and the amount of people you sleep with is an outdated thought. Who cares. Just do it because there will be people like me freaked out at the notion that a man is still a virgin or “pure” pass the age of 25.

I am just so blown away right now. I can’t imagine myself dating this guy now. It’s like what if I make him “Dirty” (see how not cute using words like that in place of the actual meaning is) and he becomes all obsessive, stalker like. So not my thing. I don’t want to deal with the idea that I took this person’s virginity away. Also, I am not known for long relationships. My longest was 6 months. I usually average about 3 months before I get bored. This just proves to me that I haven’t found the right guy to keep me interested. And that is totally fine. I’ll just have fun finding him. Lots of fun.



2 thoughts on “The Purity Game

  1. *giggles and laughs uproariously*

    Ok, I got that out of my system. My little brother had similar issues until he was 35 or something like that. ( I really don’t want to keep track of that status) but seriously he was in his mid thirties by the time he crossed that boundary. He is a seriously shy guy. Doesn’t drink or party so he doesn’t meet a lot of women. He would be great for someone who wanted a great guy. By strange coincidence his name is also Devin. (He is not the guy in the story I swear!) He would make an awesome mate and no I’m not trying to pimp out my brother. But he would be a great guy to be with.

    So try not to rule out all virgins just cause they are older virgins. This one gave you a bad vibe and that means it is good to ignore him. And don’t expect a virgin not to know stuff. You really think they aren’t porn hounds and haven’t got a HUGE list of things they want to try right away. You unlock their virgin status and just think of how much energy they have been saving for that day. I’ll bet they would be like the energizer bunny on crack. They will just keep going and going and going until you are no longer able to walk.

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