Every breath you take….

I am not a stalker, though I wouldn’t mind stalking a couple celebrities innocently. I would never sleep in their bed (unless they asked me to & it was with them in it the same times as me & we were doing some wiggle jiggles) or steal articles of clothing from their homes (unless they gave it to me willingly).

There is actually only a about 5 celebs I would just flip out if I ever met them. Most of these celebs are not the “mainstream” celebs. I can really care less if I meet Tom Hanks or Angelina Jolie. To me, I would just say “Hello” if I decided to walk up to them and talk. Most likely, I would just take out my camera phone and snap a pic.  To me these types of actors, and I blame media for this, puts them on such a pedestal that they seem inaccessible to their fans. Like you need special permission to even walk on the same side of the street. They don’t seem approachable. I am most likely wrong, but due to the media hype that surrounds “A-list” actors I get that vibe from them. Sort of the “Pretty People” syndrome. Ya know the one where all the people are afraid to talk to the popular pretty people because you may think they will feel annoyed by even associating with you, they are snobs, or what is the use they won’t acknowledge you. That is the vibe I get off these actors. Plus, I just feel they are put in certain movies because of who they are, not what their talent actually is (Megan Fox, Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt…etc).

The actors that I would flip out at meeting are i guess what you call “B” list actors. But to me they aren’t. To Hollywood mainstream they are. Also, I am a horror fanatic so we are a totally different breed in of itself. We horror fans tend to know the actors that played Michael Myers in the first 3 movies or How many Jason Voorhees actors there were, or actually know that many of the women in horror movies are empowering. We can have an intelligent and in depth  conversation about how horror movies actually relate to past,present, and future societal norms/events. So we get a bad wrap because mainstream tends to overlook the horror/fantasy/sci-fi/anime genre. We are seen as the crusty underbelly of “real” movies. Well I like the underbelly and my underbelly actors. (let me make this clear I would flip out over anyone from the horror/sci-fi/fantasy genre so my list below is just my RAWR hot sexy talented actors i would fangirl over and do naughty things too.)

Actors like Michael Rooker. This guy has been in so many movies. Most people are like…oh he is “that guy”. Yes Rooker may be a character actor, but isn’t that what you want to be? Don’t you want to be the person that has that range from comedy to drama to action to horror? Isn’t the idea of being an actor to keep on working while bringing entertainment to the masses? I’m pretty sure he has done that. I first saw him in Henry:Portrait of a Serial Killer. That movie was so freaking intense & disturbing because it kinda looked like some sort of snuff film to me. It felt grimy and raw and angry and dirty and sweaty. You wanted to take a shower afterwards and make a checklist of what NOT to look for in a mate. He made this character disturbingly likable but disgusting all the same. From this moment, I knew I would love him as an actor. May not like ALL his movies, but I would watch ALL of them to see his craft and well his sexy mug. I mean the guy is 56 (year younger than my mom) & I find him incredibly sexy and would do bad things with him in a heartbeat. He just has that rugged look, raspy voice, infectious laughter, loves his fans, INCREDIBLE BODY (Slither anyone?) and just seems like one crazy dude that has more charisma  in his one pinky than 100 Don Juans put together. Also, his laugh…UGH HIS LAUGH!!! I get tingly just thinking about it.  Now I can’t wait until Season 2 of Walking Dead. You should follow him on twitter he is @michaelrooker on twitter.

The 2nd person i would flip out for is Norman Reedus. The guy is insane! Insanely hot, funny, artistic, appreciates his fans, physically amazing and still has the face of a young 30 year old man (HE IS 41!!) I watched him in Boondock Saints. That was an amazing action dark comedy. It was so Balls to the Wall and had the perfect actors, directing, script..everything. It was just awesome. After Boondocks, I haven’t seen him in anything else until The Walking Dead and was like…”god he looks familiar”. I went to iMDb and was like “SHIT, he was in Blade 2, Pandorum, Charmed, Gossip…etc” Movies and shows I watched just it never clicked. So after I realized, I re-watched the movies and was just amazed. Then I followed him on Twitter (@wwwbigbaldhead) and fell in love with his photography and how awesome he is with fans. He actually talked to them and responded. The one day i @’ed him and BAM I got a Direct Message. I started to hyper ventilate. HOW COOL WAS THIS?!!! Like for real bitches! then I responded back and BAM again! He Dmed me 2 more times and I just freaked the freak out. This makes me ❤ him so much more because he seems approachable and wouldn’t step back from fans.

The other 3 actors I would freak out at just because I am huge fans of them and love their work and appreciate their craft and talent and their HOTNESS are:

3.)Joel Edgerton. Watch him in Animal Kingdom. I thought  it was his best work but he was also in Smoking Aces…funny, King Arthur…mmmm action, Kinky Boots…funny, dramatic goodness, Spider….and amazing short that is just…WOW, The Square…which is an amazing thriller, The Upcoming Warrior…comes out on my B-day with sexy Tom Hardy (MMA inner demon, family drama film) Prequel to The Thing, and the new Great Gatsby movie. Can’t wait! All amazing and will be amazing…PLUS HE IS AN AUSSIE SO HE HAS AN ACCENT. Accents make you twice as hot!

4.) Jason Clarke. I watched him in Brotherhood. An Irish mob series that was on Showtime back in 2006-2008. I thought it was way better than the Sopranos. The storylines were fantastic. He is another Aussie, but he pulled off that Rhode Island accent perfectly. I had no idea he was from Australia until I iMDb’ed him. Then he disappeared and came back to the short lived Fox series Chicago Code. UGH he was FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC! Again great storyline, but I appreciate how he immersed himself into the Chicago police life. He did ride alongs to see how they work. To get that feeling of what it was like day to day. I am so sad the series was cancelled. Shawn Ryan wrote a great series. started a bit slow but it all came together in the end and it was a GREAT ending. Next for Jason is “The Wettest County in the World” and “The Great Gatsby” YAY both my Aussies are in it!

5.) Jason Isaacs. I really don’t need to explain this. He had me at his Icy Blue eyes. Then I watched him in practically everything he has been in and re-watched movies I didn’t realize he was in. He is perfect. Great actor. Can pull off accents like no other. Such talent. And he is sexy. SO FREAKING SEXY. I originally watched Brotherhood because of him. Then I swooned over both of the Jasons. There is even a scene in the first season of Brotherhood where he is NEKKID! but you don’t see his dangling  bits….I was sad. But you saw his body and it was good. It was OH SO GOOD.

Honorable Squees and fangirl freakness because I just love their acting and they seem like cool people to chill in a pub and shoot the shit with are:

  1. Sean Bean
  2. John Barrowman
  3. David Tennant
  4. Catherine Tate
  5. Graham Norton
  6. UK Top Gear hosts
  7. Sam Jackson
  8. Quentin Tarantino
  9. Cast of Firefly/Buffy & Joss Whedon
  10. Takashi Miike
  11. PETER O’TOOLE <—The fucking man and what every actor should aspire to be. He has so much talent and is my absolute favorite actor EVER. GIVE HIM A DAMN OSCAR ALREADY YOU FUCKTARDS!
Any who, that is my list. I know I will add to my I want Freak the Freak out list, but this is all i have now. Who are yours?!
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Also on a side note, I am doing a Kidney Walk in Philly this October and I am looking for donations for my team. Here is my page DEE’S PAGE CLICK ME OK AND GIVE ME MONEY! My brother just got his kidney in May and we are walking with a new feeling this year but with the same purpose. We need to help find a cure/prevention for kidney diseases and help spread the information of the different types of kidney diseases. If you donate I also have about 10 “Love Your Kidneys” bracelets left that I can send to you for your donation. If you would like one email me at dklynds@gmail.com
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Some people have luck in love

Unfortunately, that group doesn’t involve me. I really do not know what it is. I fell for a guy that I was sexually attracted to, but I jumped head first into that relationship and when that didn’t work out he basically called off our pseudo-beginning-dating-thing via a text message at 3am. I love how I pick these guys. Even though I said I was over him, I still couldn’t stop thinking about him because….I really don’t know why.  But I never talked to him again. It just really turns out he was a jerk. An asshole. Alpha Male that turned my Alpha Female personality into a Beta. I admit, it turned me on, but he was not good for me.

About 5 months later, I started dating this one guy. He lived a bit far from me, almost an hour and 20 minutes. I don’t do long distance. I work too much and I’m not the type of person that likes to be around my “loved” one 24/7. I’ve always been more independent in that area. So we met and had dinner at a very nice restaurant. I even wore my 5 inch stilettos. They weren’t the “Eff’ Me” shoes, but they were the “I’m making an effort because I’m deeply interested in you” type of shoes. He was amazingly sweet. A great personality. Decent in the looks department. He wasn’t my typical guy I’d go for, but we just had such a great time at dinner.

When dinner was over, we stepped outside to go to our cars (they were at opposite ends of the lot). When I was saying goodbye, he literally caught me off guard by leaning in and said “you have something on your mouth.” I really thought I did, because who says that line? As he kissed me, I felt obligated to kiss him back. I mean I was just thrown. I was never given that line. I was having this inner dialogue with my brain about what was occurring at that moment in time. “OMG did he just say that? Did he just use that cheesy overused Hollywood romantic comedy line? Oh he kisses ok, a bit on the wet side.” JESUS BRAIN shut up and just go with it. AND I DID. Tthen we parted and I walked to my car at the OTHER END OF THE PARKING LOT, in STILETTOS. That long walk back 2 things popped in my head.

  1. Did that just happen that way? WHUUUUUUUT?!
  2. Please don’t break your ankle in these heels cause that would NOT be cute.

Number 2 didn’t happen, thank god. But my cynicism in romance made me laugh all the way home. My hands were over my mouth as my fingers kept touching the spot he told me I “had something” on.

The next day I was still replaying the night before, when I got a text to go to the Phillies game. I said of course! Let me give this guy another date because I didn’t know if anything was there. I was doing the opposite of everything I used to do, because maybe that would work. So as we got to the game, we walked hand in hand. Laughed. Joked. Waited in the concourse for the rain delay to be over. We hugged. Kissed. Laughed some more. It was nice.

But then a red flag went up. Near the end of the game we were talking nonchalantly. And on the Jumbo Screen I saw this kid dancing. I said “my kid will have no rhythm” he then said “Well if we have kids together they will have some”. HOLD UP! WAIT, backtrack a bit. Second date and you thought about babies with me? As in you thought about us being exclusive right now? As in you thought about a future? As in…commitment now?! Yeaaaaaah, no. Not in my book yet. YET.

Granted I do want a relationship. I know I have issues but, seriously, this talk this soon? I wasn’t even thinking of just dating him. I wanted to still go out with other guys. But apparently, he seemed to be way more into me than I into him. But I kinda brushed that statement aside. As freaked as I was, whatever, right? When he dropped me home, we sat in the car for a bit. I told him “thank you” and kissed him. CLOSED MOUTH. However, he reached around me and just BAM!!!!! Slipped the tongue in. All forceful and shit. Like WTF dude. Boundaries. BOUNDARIES! But my fault, I didn’t say anything and I just let it go, but then I pulled away, because, well he just wasn’t that great of a kisser. WAY too wet. I went inside and my brain just started talking again. It was having an dialogue with my heart. It wasn’t a good dialogue either. They were yelling at each other. My heart was saying, “You aren’t attracted to him, why bother?” My brain was saying “He is such a great guy. Nice. Gentlemanly (to an extent), funny. blah blah blah” this dialogue turned into an argument.

To make a long story short…er. Long story shorter, I really did have trouble sleeping. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to continue this “thing” we had. But I still talked with him, trying to force myself into feeling something. We even planned to go on a 3rd date to Wheaton Village (glass blowing place) after I told him I’d rather go there than the Art Museum because I’ve never been and the art museum was so…meh. I didn’t care too much for it because I’ve been there a few times. Then one night he texted me before I was going to bed. We texted for about an hour and I fell asleep. The next morning I look at my phone and see this text “Oh I guess you fell asleep. I would love to watch you sleep one night. So cute” This was after he told me he LOVED kissing me, LOVED holding my hand, & LOVED hugging me. At this moment I felt like this was a very Edward Cullen type of thing. He just seemed a bit too obsessive/stalker/weirdo sparkly vamp.

I talked to him about this. I couldn’t let this go. I basically was like we need to talk. He got all worried. Kinda girly like. I told him I would call him later. I asked what time he would be home and he said 6pm. I was like ok I’ll talk to you later tonight. What happens at exactly 6pm?????? HE CALLS ME! I told him I would call him later when I am done eating dinner with my mom at the restaurant. He was like “Oh…ok” all emo like. So when I got home I called him, and was like “Look this isn’t a bad thing, but here is the deal. We only went on 2 dates and it feels like you are rushing it. I like hanging out with you and would like to continue hanging out, but you need to slow your roll on the baby talk, the watching me sleep type thing. It made me all stand-offish because it was only 2 dates. We live a distance away and I don’t know how this would work since we can’t see each other as often. So lets just chill and just hang out a bit before we even talk like that” His response “Oh I didn’t think it was bad. I didn’t think about what I said was even like that. But ok”

So we were cool….I thought. The day before Wheaton Village, I went to Philly with my friend Jess. We went to Chinatown and then she had free passes to the Art museum. We had lots of fun. I bought a tiny cup thing of $4 gummi bears type of fun. lol But when I got home we talked on the phone. He was like what did you do today. I told him. And he tried to pick a fight. As if me going to the Art museum was horrible. He basically said,”How come when i asked you to go to the art museum you were like ‘I HATE ART’ but when she asked you to go you went?” I was floored. Was he throwing a hissy fit? a GIRLY type hissy fit? I told him “We went out to Philly, she had passes, we went to hang out. I never said I hated art, I’ve just been to the museum a few times and wanted to do something I NEVER DID, like Wheaton Village.” Then he was like “Oh well ok. But listen Dee, it seems obvious there is no spark between us. maybe we should just end what we have right now” (Me thinking to myself “WE DON’T HAVE ANYTHING”) I told him,”OK that’s fine.” Wished him the best and hung up. Later that night I went out with my friend Danielle and saw a movie. I was completely over it. He was just WAY too Beta for my liking. I don’t like men like that.

I tried going against my normal ways of dating and yeah, didn’t work. I need my Alpha men. What I did learn from this is that you can’t force yourself to fall for someone. You just need that to happen naturally. I guess I was just envious of everyone around me getting married, having kids, etc., that I felt left out. Sort of like I was so behind. But why try to force what isn’t there. It will come when it comes regardless of your age. I’m going to be 33 this September and I just freaked out. I had my biological clock on the fritz. It’s ok right now. I am just taking my time and trying to figure out what I want in a man and in life. So one day my “true love” will be there, no matter how old I am. I have great friends and a great family. Also, there is a Marine that has caught my eye so I will see what is up with him. SEMPER FI!

The Purity Game

Man really? Seriously. Like What THE FUCKITY FUCK FUCK!?! My luck with guys has seriously been horrible. Like so horrible I might as well be celibate or just just start sleeping with women.

Alright, let me start from the beginning. After the whole Izzy debacle I said I would give up dating. I know, I was being so over dramatic. I was being a woman. I honestly liked this guy, but he turned out to be a douchebag. Anyway, this isn’t about him. This is about this new guy Devin. He is in my Wednesday bowling league. We started talking when we bowled against each other for the first time. He seemed nice. Made me laugh. It was friendly flirting for about a month. Finally, last week he give my mom his number. Yes, I know, but seriously there was like an army of people trying to hook us up. Whatever, he gave me his number. I texted him, cause who the fuck actually talks on the phone anymore???!!. He texts back. The next day I call him. We talk. We giggled. For the next 5 days or so it was just texting back and forth. Yesterday, he calls me up. We talk for about an hour an 15 minutes. and OH MY FUCKITY FUCK….I decided I can’t be with him.

It’s not that he doesn’t seem like a nice guy. but just the whole conversation seemed a little “off” to begin with. We haven’t even gone on a date. We are NOT a couple, but to start asking questions like: Do you have a fetish? What can a guy do to keep you interested? Seriously, if a guy has to ask what to do to keep you interested….then you know it’s not going to work. That is pretty much cheating. A woman shouldn’t have to tell you EVERYTHING to keep her happy. A guy should just know. When I tell him this, he is all “but when a woman and a man are IN a relationship, communication is key to it surviving” or some bullshit insightful relationship rule he gave me.  So I say to him “Yes, But we aren’t in a relationship. We are just TALKING“. Seriously don’t be all possessive and naming our non-existent relationship already. We are in the talking phase BUCKO!!!

But if questions like that weren’t a bit awkward, this is what threw the awkward wrench into my machinery.  So we are casually talking about bowling, movies, and shit. Then out of the blue he says, “I’m Pure“. Um, pure what? Pure Christian? Pure of Sin? Pure of Pure?!!!! PURE WHAT?! Then it hit me, he was PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!!!! LIKE, I’M A VIRGIN, PURE?!!! Remember I’m 32. I’m not “Pure”. I haven’t been “Pure” for 13 years. but for him to say that he is “pure” not even using the actual word VIRGIN at the age of 32 is mind boggling to me. I mean, for a girl at 32, to still be a virgin is more acceptable to society because it makes her look like she is , well, pure. She is saving herself for the right guy. But for a man, at 32, to still be a virgin, it is just awkward. It’s weird. It’s just WRONG! Is there something wrong with him? Did he ever have a relationship? Is he scared to see a vajayjay up close? Who knows?

***side note*** Using the word Pure to mean you are a virgin is only cute and acceptable if you are a teenager. A female teenager. It is NEVER ok for a guy to use the word “Pure” at any age. It’s just very feminine and not manly. Nor does using the word “pure” glamorize or soften the blow that you are a virgin. Especially, being a male. A Male above the 21. If you are are over 25 and still a virgin, fuck a hooker, get it over with. Thanks.


So I asked him, why? WHY IN GODS NAME HAVE YOU NOT ENJOYED THE PLEASURES OF SEX!?! His answer, “I haven’t found the right girl yet.” Um, ok. How long was your last relationship? “Four Years.” WHAT!?! FOUR FUCKING YEARS AND NO SEX?! She wasn’t the right one?! His response,” Well she cheated on me.” No Shit dude, she wanted the Peen! She needed her hole poked harder, faster, right side, upside, sideways, every which way but you didn’t give it to her. Of course she would have cheated. I would have. No, wait, check that, I would have left you. I can understand not rushing into a sexual relationship right away. I can. However, sex is important to us single people. Especially at the age that I am at.

Some women…very few women, would think this would be a bonus. One can teach him the ropes and how to pleasure a woman. True, but I don’t want to be a teacher. I want to be taught a few things. I want to be surprised. Surprised in a “OMG THAT WAS FABULOUS SEX” way. Not the surprised, “omg you came already and I just touched your penis” way. Also, if you are going to teach him, YOU mus wait for him to be ready. *sighs* No Freaking Way will i wait for any man to be ready. He must wait for me. I won’t let the man hold out that long, lord knows I want some poking in my Hoo Haa.

But this also made me realize that there is a definite double standard in men and women and what it means to be a virgin. It really is ok for girls to be virgins pass the age of 25. Even into their 30’s. Mostly because society still sees them as “Aww they are waiting for the right guy” and “YAY THEY AREN’T WHORES! THEY HAVE MORALS!!!” But if it’s a guy pass the age of 21, it’s all “What is wrong with them?” “They are loser” and “Hire a hooker quick just to pop his cherry”

Is it wrong to think that way? No. I don’t think so. It’s just natural. A guys role on manhood vs a woman’s view on womanhood is different in society and it is totally ok. Men and women do NOT have to be equals. In some areas it is ok for women to not equal their male counterparts. Men are supposed to be experienced. Not like Wilt Chamberlain experienced, but experienced enough to know how to please a woman. A woman, not very whore-ish, but as long as she isn’t a whore, it’s usually ok for women to know less on the sex front then men.

Plus I think when we are growing up, parents, church, sexual education teachers and abstinence advocates put this huge stigma on “waiting ’til you are married” “Your virginity is the most precious thing you can give your partner” “Best gift to give on  your wedding night”  etc. etc. etc….. Bullshit. Ok it is important. It should be given to someone that means a lot to you or just in a special moment. But it isn’t the be all end all if you don’t end up with that person. One needs to know their body inside and out. They need to know what feels good to them and to the other person and how to make that other person feel good. So what better way than having sex. I’m not saying sleep with every Tom, Dick, and Harry. You don’t want to be used up. That is just Ew. But if Tom, Dick, and Harry can make you feel good, and teach you a few things, go right ahead. The idea of virginity and waiting til you are married, and the amount of people you sleep with is an outdated thought. Who cares. Just do it because there will be people like me freaked out at the notion that a man is still a virgin or “pure” pass the age of 25.

I am just so blown away right now. I can’t imagine myself dating this guy now. It’s like what if I make him “Dirty” (see how not cute using words like that in place of the actual meaning is) and he becomes all obsessive, stalker like. So not my thing. I don’t want to deal with the idea that I took this person’s virginity away. Also, I am not known for long relationships. My longest was 6 months. I usually average about 3 months before I get bored. This just proves to me that I haven’t found the right guy to keep me interested. And that is totally fine. I’ll just have fun finding him. Lots of fun.

 

The Sex Talk

I am at work today thinking about sex. Not the fact that I haven’t had sex in a while, but the fact that my friend, oh let’s just call her “Mrs. BONES”, had some off the chain sex the other day that is causing her to walk like a cowboy does after a three day long pony express mail trip.

ANYWAY, it’s not so much that she just had sex, but the fact that she “claimed” she was going over there innocently just to take a shower. I mean really, what person just goes over to another person’s house that they have been flirting with pretty heavily just to take a “shower”. Granted she did have a legitimate reason (water pipe broke), but think of it from a man’s point of view. “This girl flirts with me, I flirt with her and she calls me out of ALL her friends to take a shower at my house. Better go buy some condoms, I’m getting my Afternoon delight”. So of course sex was going to happen. She wanted it, subconsciously her mind was steering her towards that, after all she did make the call.

This made me laugh of course, because everyone saw this coming even if she didn’t. On the surface it was innocent to her, but deep down she wanted to be tossed around and bent side to side and into a pretzel. So Kudos for The boning “Mrs. Bones”. It was good ol’ off the wall, side twisting, orgasmic walk like a cowboy afterwards sex.

Was I jealous, of course. I wanted my sex, but I just couldn’t have sex with this guy I was seeing. Granted we did other things besides the “deed”. But because my body physically said NO to this guy, he dropped me via text the next night. What a fucking asshole piece of shit eating dirtbag mother kissing slobbering…wait sorry, ill bring it back now. He was a jerk. But what does he do almost a month later after his “I’m sorry I can’t do this relationship. My life is too hectic and i just won’t have time to be in this relationship” bullshit? He texts me on the day before Christmas Eve and out of the blue tell me “ Hey Dee its Fizzy (changed his name), Just wanted to wish you Merry Christmas and Hope All is well with you 🙂

HE HAPPY FACED EMOTICONED ME!!! like really? what did you want me to say? What did he EXPECT me to say. I waited a day to respond. Should I be snarky, bitchy, rude, indifferent? I wanted to give it to him and say STFU you ass. But me being me, I just said “Thanks. You too.” That was all. I didn’t emoticon his ass. He wasn’t special enough for it. So I left if off. Short, to the point. I mean, I shouldn’t be terribly upset. We weren’t boyfriend/girlfriend. We just started dating. Was I upset at his reason for ending whatever we were at that point, but should I hold a grudge? Nah. I’m a bigger person than that. But now I am wondering what he wants. Ok, I know what he wants and I won’t give it to him. I just want to HEAR him say what he WANTS or EXPECTS after a month of nothing and BAM a Merry Christmas to ya type of thing. Whatever. As of this moment, my mind is focused on this other “potential” relationship. If this potential develops into a relationship, my ass will not rush into anything. I’ve learned my lesson. Faster you move, most likely it will be doomed. MOST LIKELY, not all of the time, but usually.

And this rationale made me think about all the talks you have when you are a teenager. Talks from your parents/after school special shows, TV shows, educational blah blah blah. They always say “Never sleep with a guy because he says he will love you more or it will bring you closer. Chances are he will drop you the next day” or something to that effect. AND IT’S TRUE. Honestly, girls set the standard. They set the rules. Not the guys. The guys can wait. If they can’t and they drop you, all better for you because you know he was an ass and not the one for you. Sure it will hurt because he left, but why would you want to get involved with a guy that acts that way and get heavily emotionally involved with this person if he treats you this way? You don’t. So cry about it, then get over it.

But this also made me think about the sex talk my mom gave me. It’s “special” to say the least. I actually think all girls need to follow it. Her advice was, and this is pretty much verbatim, “Boys have a pole girls have a hole, boys stick it in the hole and go *ehn ehn* and make you pregnant, so no sticking in the hole unless he wears a bag”. Now you see how I can remember it verbatim. She also had a visual to go along with it. Pretty much this was the visual:

But as she told me this, she was like, you shouldn’t sleep with a guy right away, cause he will just see you as a slut and will use you. She told me this at 12 & again at 32. So as much as I hate to admit it, even with her remedial & stunning visual explanation about sex, she was right. I still haven’t told her she was right ’cause I have too much pride, but she was right. So I take that lesson from her and my past experiences and make sure not to make the same damn mistake again.

Not the Zed Word

It’s been 3 days since the finale of The Walking Dead on AMC. I needed some time to process what just happened. You see, I’ve actually never heard of the graphic novel. For someone like me, that is shocking. I love the horror genre and have always appreciated the zombie genre especially. I have seen the evolution of zombie movies from I Walked With a Zombie (1943), to the Romero zombies; Night of the Living Dead (1968), to the modern Day Danny Boyle zombies; 28 Days (2002).

In all of these movies, the main focus was the zombie itself. Sure Romero threw in some underlying social commentary about current social events. I’ve really enjoyed watching the evolution of the zombie throughout all of the “Dead” movies. Yes, they have gotten a little cheesy as time goes on, but if you look closer you can see how the movies somehow relate to what is going on socially in our world.

However, the one thing I have noticed throughout all the zombie movies is that the focus was mainly on the zombies, or who to blame for this dead apocalypse or how much blood and guts can we throw in to gross out the audience. Not that I don’t mind those things. Hell, I’ve watch every Dead movie, 28 Days Later, Shaun of the Dead, Resident Evil, I am Legend…etc. I’ve seen a lot of movies that fall into this genre. With the exception of I Am Legend (which can or can not be seen as a zombie movie), most have dealt with the Zombie as the main character. We really don’t get to see the actual human point of view. We don’t get to see the evolution of a group dynamic. We don’t get to actually get a sense of what each person is feeling.

But in the AMC show, The Walking Dead (yes I know, I will read the graphic novel after this, maybe Santa will get it for me for Xmas) the zombies are secondary. They are so secondary that I can’t remember if they ever called them zombies. I think everyone referred to them as Walkers. I won’t go through the episodes and do a play by play of what happened, you will just have to watch the reruns, DL it, or go buy the DVD. However, from an audience POV, you really get to feel with the characters, even the characters you normally wouldn’t talk to or associate with in your daily life. After all, this does take place down in the south and we all have that perception of the south because of their history. I am after all bi-racial…nix that, multi-racial butterfly (for those that don’t watch ANTM you won’t get the joke, thanks Jade).

I would never talk to anyone that acted like Merle or Daryl Dixon. My first impression of these two characters were that I was hoping that some zombie would just come along and bite them so their life would cease to exist and Rick wouldn’t hesitate to put a bullet in their either of their Neanderthalic sized brains. But, as the first and 2nd episodes continued, we realized that there is much more to them than their racist, bigoted personalities. We begin to remember that this apocalypse just happened. No one has any answers. We as the viewers weren’t given any ideas or clues or answers to why this happened, so of course the characters would be acting scared, defensive, violent, etc. It’s all survival mode and we all act and cope differently. I’m pretty sure the majority of us in America would probably act like Amy or Andrea and would just be happy to find anyone that can lead. Lead us anywhere but to the middle of this sea of “walkers”. The leader didn’t have to be great, they just had to lead. But truth be told, if I ran into someone like a Merle or a Daryl, you can best believe I would try and hang in their company. Their characters seem to have a different upbringing that what the norm…not normal people but I will say suburbia/metro upbringing from people like myself. They tend to know the survival skills. They tend to know how to hunt and gut and just shoot any type of weapon their is, if not make something out of shoe string and 3 sticks like MacGuyver. But I rambled. What I meant to say is that no matter how horrible a person may be in the beginning, they can change as time goes on. The group dynamic and social order tend to sort its way out and these are just two characters (granted Merle is missing until season 2, but you felt his anguish and his willingness on the roof when he basically spat on God and pulled a Aron Ralston) that evolved throughout the 6 episode season.

To me, the first and last episodes of the season were the most emotional because you saw not only the human despair of what has occurred but their willingness to fight and survive regardless of what was going on at the present time. Now that I think about it, the first episode is the most emotional. The first episode set the bar on the emotional roller coaster. You don’t know who exactly to feel sorry for. I mean you know the Walkers are bad but are they evil? No, not at all. This just happened and we don’t know how or why. I’ll admit, I didn’t feel sorry for most of the Walkers, but there were 2 that I did feel compassion for; Morgan’s Wife & the crawling Walker.

Morgan is a man that lost his wife to this outbreak. He lives with his son in his boarded up house. Every night he sees his wife come back to the house but he never has the heart to end her “life”. He has no idea why she keeps returning. Could it be some residual thought or memory that may be left over in this  shell of a body, who knows? But near the end of the episode after Rick has left the house to find his family, Morgan sits up in his room and he sees her walk up to the house. We feel the tension. We feel the tears he cries as they stream down his face.  Is he going to pull the trigger? Will he end his wife’s walker life? We see  his inner battle of should he or shouldn’t he. Then the camera becomes his eyes and we see the target and we think he will pull the trigger, but the expression of his wife’s face, her eyes, they seem to speak to him or give some sort of hope that she may be in there just waiting for something to cure her. He doesn’t pull the trigger. We just seem him break down and she turns to walk away.

The second Walker that made me feel that this show wasn’t going to be like any other movie on the genre, was that of the crawling Walker. We first see this Walker when Rick is running through the park. We see her but its in a “matter of fact” type of glance. The 2nd time we see her was near the end when Rick left for his mission to find his family. We see this “Crawler” with half of a body pulling itself along the grass. Rick stops and just looks at her. We hear the this moan come out of her as she reaches for him, her food source. From Rick’s eyes, I was seeing the pain, sympathy, and ultimately mercy for this Walker. It was like Rick was putting down a horse with a broken leg. He realized that this thing no longer had a shred of humanity in it and decided to it out of it’s misery and that’s what he did. That sound that came out of her mouth and her expression still resonates with me and has solidified my view on what to expect from this show.

During the last 5 episodes we see how people interact more so in a group setting unlike the first episode when we followed mostly Rick’s story. We see how a group of strangers that don’t know each other come to rely on each other regardless for their dislike for certain people. They all came together and just knew that there is strength in numbers and certain attributes will eventually come out to either help or harm the group. This of course makes and interesting story. I mean who honestly wouldn’t want to leave Merle on the roof? I just wish there was more of Merle for my pure eye candy viewing pleasure. I love me some Michael Rooker. But back to the point, I would have left him. His racist, violent, drug addled mind is more of a hindrance to the group than his great sharp shooting ability.

By the season finale, I actually cared about every character. I can see the evolution and the group roles each person will take on in season two.  I saw the human spirit of just wanting to live on regardless of what answer may come. I saw the strength of friendship in Andrea and Dale. Andrea just wanted it all to end. She lost her sister and she just didn’t see a reason to move on because of what she saw around her but Dale, a person she met due to this outbreak who later became friend and confidant, was willing to die with her. Did he want to die? No. But he cared for her so much that he basically left his life in her hands.  She felt guilty for the death of her sister and she didn’t want the guilt of Dale on her conscience so she decided to live for him not herself. So either Dale was really willing to die or he just used some damn good reverse psychology.

The Walking Dead has so many ups and downs, twists and turns in this manic depressive story that I know that season 2 will bring more to the table. Not just because of the great acting and story lines, but because there will be 13 EPISODES! 7 more episodes to laugh, cry, hate, and throw things at the TV. I know next October I will have Walker parties at my house. Just like when I was in middle/high school in the early to mid 90’s with the Melrose Place viewing parties, I’m sure this party will be a hit. Now who will us fangirls swoon over? I claim dibs on the Dixon brothers.

Things said while on Ambien

Let’s get this straight, I’m not a druggie nor some junkie. I discovered Ambien when my brother had trouble sleeping due to his dialysis. His Doctor prescribed him the pills and I asked him out of curiosity if I could have one. Well I took one, cause thats how we roll. I give him pain killers he gives me ambien. I felt all floaty like when I took one. It was awesome. Then I heard from a friend that ambien was like baby acid. However, I never hallucinated or anything so no biggie.

After a few months I tried it again. Only this time I took two. I looked at my bed sheets and noticed they were moving, along with the carpet in my floor. This must be the beginnings of the baby acid trip. But nothing big. A few weeks later my brother got another prescription and he gave me like 5 pills. I took 2 to start then was like, let me take 1 more. Then I noticed my chair that had clothes on it was apparently invested with demons and again my floor was moving. I will admit, I liked this feeling. I wasn’t addicted. I didn’t have to have it. It was just recreational.

Then a couple months later, I decided let me try 5 at once. I know… I know it was stupid. I was very disoriented but also felt very nauseous. I still had the right of mind to go to the bathroom and throw up. I vowed never to take that many at once again. It was just stupid. But hey you live and learn. So I knew about ambien WAY before Mr. Tiger Woods made it the popular thing to try.

Anyway, the point of this post was I was reading a blog post from Hyperbole and A Half on her writing a post while she was drinking 5 mini rum bottles. It made me remember my Birthday present to my friend Shauna. I recorded myself on Ambien and…well it was interesting to say the least. So here is a transcript (which Shauna transcribed) from my Happy B-day wish. I don’t have the recording anymore cause Ii deleted it..lol.

for liah or Shauna however you want your name to be called. I don’t have any batteries so I decided that I’m just gonna do a voice thing and when I get the batteries I will put them in the camera so you can see what I look like when I take at least 3 ambien. Now the trick is you need to have 2 ambien to start with. It’s ok if you already eaten something just don’t eat anything afterwards cause that will make you really sick, so I mean makes me sick cause I threw up somewhere. I think I threw up in the sink but I don’t, I don’t know. um yeah so when you take it I hope you can take it cause its awesome so I think you just go to your doctor and be like ‘I can’t sleep! I have all these kids and all these kids just make me go so crazy, and I get depressed and you know’ *unintelligible rambling* cause they don’t understand anything because they are guys. Go ahead cause I think that will like so work. But Yeah I think you should do that. Just make sure that if you are gonna take it, that you are going to be in front of the camera. your your yourah yourah yourah yourah yourah yourah y y y web cam thing, that is the only place you are goin to go. And even though you’re tired you’ll probably fall asleep at the chair. Like I did, just before I did this. cause my preist bottle who looks like the arizona sweet tea thing he’s all very preistly and I’m not very preistly but he was telling me that if I continue to do that that I am going to release the demons and in order to get those demons away I had to go on a journey and you guys were just sitting there inside the goddamned computer not doing anything like helping so I don’t know why I consider you friends sometimes cause you don’t help. But yeah uh my preist guy (whispers) I think he’s a pedophile like really I don’t wanna say it too loud cause he sometimes scares me so I think I should drink like all the tea that is in the bottle and then like throw it out. Cause then he’d be dead. So yeah, he’s kinda eyeing me I put it on my end table and he’s just like (whispers again) really really controlling bastard. And I hope he doesn’t hear that. Ya know? But Just warning you about the things that can happen when you’re on ambien. A Whole new world will open up and you will tend to see things a little bit differently so I love you, and Happy Birthday and I am going to go give this to you now. ok bye

Yes really I do not know. But I also found this transcript from Shauna’s LJ about me in IRC (thats a chat client…its old school yo!)  while on Ambien. It’s really HUH?! But ya, My nickname is Miette on there so. Have fun and remember take Ambien responsibly.

Daphne|football || …oh lord ||
Daphne|football || MIETTE!!!!!!!!!!! ||
Daphne|football || i think…she is high.,…again ||
Daphne|football || ..MEGGERS! GUESS WHAT!!!??? ||
Miette|NotanIdol º§º I JUST TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo23 akmbien º§º
Daphne|football || i know ||
Miette|NotanIdol º§º i sent daph a text º§º
Daphne|football || i got your text honey ||
Miette|NotanIdol º§º my ketbords look liek cchocoolate'[[] º§º
Rory|PiW ~+~ was it readable daph? ~+~
Daphne|football || did you go see the man yesterday? ||
Daphne|football || yes..i understood her ambien talk ||
Rory|PiW ~+~ hehh ~+~
Miette|NotanIdol º§º i have 5 more in my povkry] º§º
* Iorek (~prof.kimi@189.205.3.135) has joined #slytherin
Iorek ~®~ :(Daphne|football) ~®~
Daphne|football> || love you ||
Iorek ~®~ pfft ~®~
TroubleMakerInChief M lol G
Daphne|football || ulol..miettes high ||
Miette|NotanIdol º§º iii iressssssssssssss;;u ]tried t osave the caprfet ciciliaztiojn’ º§º
Daphne|football || see ||
TroubleMakerInChief M lol G
Iorek ~®~ :(Miette|NotanIdol) ~®~
TroubleMakerInChief M crikey look its a sighting of the rare ulol in slytherin G
Miette|NotanIdol º§º the werew being bullii;”d º§º
Miette|NotanIdol º§º by meanpoesl º§º
Daphne|football || you are being bullied by mean people? ||
Miette|NotanIdol º§º i jstu fell asleep º§º
Miette|NotanIdol º§º and someoenye;;ed º§º
Daphne|football || go to bed honey ||
* Alice[Zzz] is now known as Alice|SchoolWTH
Miette|NotanIdol º§º no yhe d=carpte peopoe were being attacjed bymean oeio;;l;e] º§º
Alice|SchoolWTH ……..
Alice|SchoolWTH what the hell
Alice|SchoolWTH o__O
Miette|NotanIdol º§º i see :parents] thtatath aere so nmad bebsuse thediddnt see themthst º§º
Daphne|football || yeah ||
Daphne|football || sure ||
Miette|NotanIdol º§º these damn farmers need ti undertsnt that if they want the aar he illeveryhio º§º
Miette|NotanIdol º§º im sorry7 im ouy=t og-f idras º§º
Iorek ~®~ o_O ~®~
Iorek ~®~ Dee, go to sleep ~®~
Ashlee what is going on?
Miette|NotanIdol º§º youare on you own º§º
Iorek ~®~ yah yah, now turn off the comp and go to sleep ~®~
Miette|NotanIdol º§º \the world in you crapets are still ing to break free º§º
Miette|NotanIdol º§º butt he techology º§º
Miette|NotanIdol º§º failt to let them leive ggree º§º
Daphne|football || Miette is high on ambien ||
Daphne|football || like always ||
Rory|PiW ~+~ someone should go and take away her supply ~+~
Rory|PiW ~+~ lol ~+~
ArdeliahSLEEPINGISHY High on life would be safer
Ashlee I thought I hid them?
* EvilIndia (~indiajoll@121.209.161.146) Quit (Ping timeout)
Iorek ~®~ seems you didn’t do it right, Ashlee ~®~
Ashlee it would seem so
Ashlee I’ll have to come up with another plan
Miette|NotanIdol º§º i had a vision º§º
Iorek ~®~ tie her to a rock and throw it into a lake? ~®~
Miette|NotanIdol º§º of people tyrin gto take it awayty form me º§º
Daphne|football || she is having visions now…great ||
Rory|PiW ~+~ sounds goos ~+~
Rory|PiW ~+~ d ~+~
ArdeliahSLEEPINGISHY having visions does not make you a prophet
Rory|PiW ~+~ nah, just nuts ~+~
Miette|NotanIdol º§º a fat white schic abd somre-skinneyasss balack ubutt º§º
Miette|NotanIdol º§º will try to tai t º§º
Miette|NotanIdol º§º jwhiligot tubtube[ º§º
* Addie[PiN] is now known as [Zzz]ero
ArdeliahSLEEPINGISHY so when will she see fluffy bunnies?
Iorek ~®~ soon ~®~
Miette|NotanIdol º§º i fell scik º§º
Iorek ~®~ no way ~®~
ArdeliahSLEEPINGISHY what a surprise
Miette|NotanIdol º§º i thik i sofld lilke throwwm º§º
{Meg} @____@
{Meg} is Dee sloshed again?
ArdeliahSLEEPINGISHY yeppers
Iorek ~®~ looks like ~®~
{Meg} ahh
Miette|NotanIdol º§º there us aother bear º§º
Miette|NotanIdol º§º it mutateed º§º
{Meg} o.o
{Meg} a mutating bear?!??!
{Meg} i’m really glad i don’t drink XD
Miette|NotanIdol º§º meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee/ º§º
Miette|NotanIdol º§º i took 5 ambien º§º
Miette|NotanIdol º§º 5555555555555555555555555555555555555555 º§º
{Meg} …………
Iorek ~®~ no kidding ~®~
Miette|NotanIdol º§º like º§º
{Meg} dude
Miette|NotanIdol º§º no º§º
Miette|NotanIdol º§º wiat º§º
{Meg} wow
Miette|NotanIdol º§º i took three º§º
Miette|NotanIdol º§º but went atstole the beothe emddifcien and took 5 more º§º
Miette|NotanIdol º§º i haven ingesties yey º§º
Daphne|football || yes..she is gone ||
* ArdeliahSLEEPINGISHY wishes she had a camera to take pics of her like this for future blackmail
Miette|NotanIdol º§º ok off too bed º§º
Miette|NotanIdol º§º but first º§º
Miette|NotanIdol º§º smll drem of odl eomen essnidn yojnfdfbofy part from lisd amd teeacgers º§º
ArdeliahSLEEPINGISHY wow, that is really messed up
Iorek ~®~ I’ll save this log future blackmail ~®~
Miette|NotanIdol º§º now some old hags want to knocked doww a wall on the castle for redecoratig º§º
ArdeliahSLEEPINGISHY I’m sure they do
Daphne|football || lol ||
Daphne|football || i always log her ambien nights ||
TroubleMakerInChief M this is the first time ive seen her like this….im usually already asleep :P….or just waking up G
Daphne|football || oh..im always here for her moments ||
{Meg} dude Daph
* TroubleMakerInChief makes a note to stick around 😀
{Meg} we need to charge admission
{Meg} >:D
Daphne|football || oh yeah ||
Daphne|football || ok..its food and nini time for me ||
Daphne|football || bye everyone! ||
Daphne|football || BYE HUBBY! ||

 

Scratch that last post.

Ya…that detox lasted all of 2 days. I was craving meat way to freaking much. I started turning into some maniac. Pretty much running around sniffing the garbage can for scraps of meat.  O.K. not really, but I did have a horrible food dream the FIRST night.

So the story pretty much goes like this.  (Story meaning before Dream) I started the day good; 2 diet pills in the am (roughly 8:30am), had a thing of grapes which held me over until 12 o’clock-ish. Then at lunch I went and bought a morning Star Spicy Veggie Patty thing-a-ma-bob. It wasn’t bad, good actually. When I got back to the office I nuked the patty and cut up some cucumbers and other veggie crap. Ate it, drank LOTS OF WATER. God I can’t even count how many time I had to go to the bathroom to take a twinkle. Anyway got home had some fish about 6pm and nothing . Bedtime around 11pm. Was I hungry? HELL TO THE YES! Did I eat anything before bed. No. Anyway, I had a dream that I was munching on some potato chips. Not just a few, but full on face in bag shoveling the salty goodness into my mouth even though there isn’t any room in there type of deal. I was so in a trance of eating those chips that my mom walked in on me and I was scared. Scared as a boy might be if his mother walked in on him during a private masturbation moment in the bathroom.  I looked at her, in fear, crying, trying to talk but all that came out was crumbs from the chips. At that moment, I woke up. Ashamed of my own dream. I felt dirty. Unsatisfied. Mainly because I had an empty tummy. But I was on to day to of this “detox” bullshit.

The 2nd day pretty much was the same. Only for dinner I had a little pasta with diced tomatoes onions, and snap peas. It was good, but I was staring at the nice slab of dead cow in the pan. But I didn’t eat it. I was proud of myself. However, as I was laying in my bed, I started having food thoughts. I wanted to lose weight faster, but I needed protein, BUT i didn’t want to eat meat. So I decided to only eat a little chicken, like once a week, no red meat, bacon….very very little, mostly seafood and mostly veggies and fruit. I decided I would eat no sugar…well candy and desserts. Can’t help the sugar in fruit.

So yes, my ass is mostly vegetarian now. is it easier YES because I am not on this crazy ass restriction of food like in the detox. Just better to change what you eat instead of restricting you on basically everything.

So message to all—-DON’T DO A DETOX…you will crash and burn once you are off it. Unless you have some wicked will power that the majority of American’s do not have, then hey have at it. But for the rest of us jiggly ass people, change what you eat. If you cheat one day, screw it and get back on that wagon for hefty people.  Don’t worry you won’t break it, it’s tailor made for us American’s.